Turning tables.

If you asked me 13 months ago if I believed I would be deleting half the people in my life (and in my Facebook friend list) and adding in people from high school, my answer would have been, "Hell no."

But a funny thing happened on the way to divorce... Those of us who knew each other eons ago have grown up.  And those of us who found each other later have grown apart.

I'm not shirking responsibility here.  I take my share of the heat.  So before I start getting asinine remarks, know that this is about how I am feeling and not about talking senseless smack.

But when it comes right down to it, I'm actually relived to have these people out of my business.  Clearly, they weren't there with sincere intentions in the first place, so this experience has been good for trimming the fat in my life, if nothing else. 

And though I'm completely stressed and pretty much always on edge about what comes next, there is a certain sense of peace that comes with knowing who your true friends are and who will always stick by your side. 

Nobody is flip-flopping. 
It's like having a potent posse. 
Friends from concentrate. 
Teague says it's like I'm a member of the Super Hero Squad.

A few weeks ago when I made my triumphant return to Facebook, I reverted back to my maiden name.  Contrary to what some believe, this was not an effort to go incognito; it was a way to put my foot down and demonstrate that I'm ready to move on.  Oddly, I never anticipated that people from my past would figure out that Whitney Hendrickson was actually Whitney Windham.  So I didn't really have time to decide if I was ready for re-introductions.  They just flooded right on in.

I've always felt I had to keep a great distance between past and present.  I didn't like high school and always felt out of place where I grew up.  But over the last week or so, seeing the faces and families of those I used to know reminded me of a great Taylor Swift quote: "Who you are is not what you did."

And I totally realized that back in high school we were all just dumb kids trying to figure things out.  Hell, clearly I'm still trying to do so.

Seeing smiling babies and wedding photos; the way we've aged and how grown up we look.  Seeing if the who's who of adolescence really stuck or if we were in for some pretty severe surprises...It's actually kinda nice.  And pretty fun.

And though it will be a very long time before I let go of what's going on in my life right now, it's definitely time to let go of old experiences and grudges.  Surely, it has taken up way too much of my time over the years, and to be both cliche and hood simultaneously, Life is hella short!

Maybe it's that the new hurts are so intense, the old ones pale in comparison.

Or maybe we only have so much room in our brain for pain that when we are really suffering in the present, the previous experiences are forced out for good.
Either way, I'm satisfied with the purge and glad there is room for totally new experiences and relationships.

Besides, I had to be incredibly strong before.  I'm sure I can do it again.  And if I get to be a member of the Super Hero Squad, I sure hope I'm the Scarlet Witch.

PS The pic above is from Prom 1993.  Two of these chicks (Erin and Shelly) friended me on FB this week.  Man , do I have some ridic videos of the 5 of us!  ;)

PPS I think they are still the pretty ones.