Someone else's skin.

This morning I was in my husband’s office looking for a legal pad and noticed a picture of myself on the bookshelf.  It was taken about 5 years ago on a trip to Martinique, our first venture outside the US with a kid.

As I stood there staring past the edge of the picture frame, reminiscing about how fun that trip was, the picture suddenly came back into focus and I was surprised (and by surprised I mean utterly devastated) by how different I look now than I did a few years ago. 

For one, I had no makeup on, but my skin was evenly toned as if covered by the most perfectly matched shade of foundation.  My eyebrows were a lot fuller back then too.  Not because I now pluck or wax the hell out of them, but because they all fell out after I had Crews and just never came back quite right.  I also didn’t have any freckles across the bridge of my nose, nor did I have these little mystery spots randomly speckling my cheeks.  There was no indication that the little line between my eyes (that’s now there even when I’m not frowning) was ever going to develop.  And those “joker smile” lines that materialize when I grin were definitely absent.  Also of note: I had on a tube top and my entire chest was freckle and mole free. 

Definitely not the case today.

As I fell into the pit of despair and wondered, “Why me?!?!?”  And thought, “It’s not fair that this is happening,” I had to figuratively slap myself with a reminder that not only did I know why this was happening but also it was totally my fault.  Stupid sun damage.

I can’t help but wonder what shape my skin would be in if I hadn’t lived in the tanning bed for a solid 10 years.  Clearly this mess is the result of a lifetime of sun-worshipping and UV bulb obsession.  The gallons of baby oil and tanning accelerator I applied between the ages of 12 and 25 probably didn’t help much either.  And I don’t think I’d ever bought a bottle of sunscreen until I had my kids.

I know.  I know.  Some of it just has to the do with the fact that I’m now 33 and not still in my 20’s.  But mostly, I think it’s my complete disregard for proper skincare.  At this point, all the Oil of Olay Regenerist and La Mer serums on the planet can’t reverse what I’ve done to my skin. And that’s a sad a thought.

But I just combat it with my happy thought:  Botox and lasers!

(BTW, I haven’t tried either yet.  But when I do you can bet it’ll be documented here!)