Here a butt. There a butt. Everywhere a butt-butt.

Having two boys who are 2 and 6 can often be overwhelming.  They fight – a lot.  They call each other super-inventive names like diaper face and poopy soldier.  They refuse to eat anything that hasn’t been processed to hell.  They dump out bins which must contain at least 200 cars/trucks/motorcycles/tractors each.  And they always want what the other one has.

However, sometimes it’s not the fighting or the mess or the refusal to clean anything up that drives me over the edge.  Instead, it’s how many times per day I see someone’s butt.

It’s not necessarily the butt itself that bothers me.  It’s all the wiping and cleaning of said area.  I mean, Teague can totally wipe his own butt.  He is six years old after all.  He just doesn’t do it well.  So even if he does wipe his own butt, I still end up doing some maintenance later. 

And Crews?  Well, Crews totally understands the concept of the potty and even went through a phase many months ago when he was using it.  But now he goes and hides behind the end table in our living room when he needs to poop.  And he doesn’t even slow his pace when he pees.  That kid is a mobile urinator.  (At least he’s wearing a diaper and not using the floor.)

I really shouldn’t be all that surprised.  Teague did the same thing during potty training.  He was using the potty consistently for months before he started school then one day he came home and said he wasn’t going to do it anymore.  He was true to his word.  He didn’t use the potty again for almost 5 months.  He too had a favorite place to poop, but he preferred standing in the pantry.

Anyway.  I digress from the butts.

So today I was about to walk Crews into school after a hellishly long carpool debacle.  Needless to say there was a pee AND a poop situation which needed to be taken care of first.  As I changed his diaper in the back of the car, I said, “Thanks for making sure I saw your hiney one last time before school.”  He just laughed.

Fast-forward an hour and I’ve just finished my workout at the gym.  I clean off the elliptical I’m using, grab my water bottle, and make my way to the locker room.  For whatever reason, there is a group of naked old ladies chattering away with their butts toward the door.  There are six, count them, six sweaty old big butts just right there in my face.  And then for good measure, one more naked butt saunters out of a bathroom stall and joins them.  Ugh!.  I know it’s a locker room and people have every right to be naked, I just didn’t need any more butts in my day.  Much less 7.

Oh well, at least I didn’t have to wipe em’.  And thank God mine is behind me...